Existential Therapy

Existential Therapy works primarily through dialogue and exploration rather than through specific techniques. The therapist creates space for you to examine your life philosophically, exploring questions that might not have clear answers: What do I truly value? Am I living according to my own choices or others' expectations? What gives my life meaning? How do I deal with the reality that I will die? These conversations aren't abstract academic discussions; they're deeply personal explorations of how you're actually living and what existential concerns might underlie your psychological distress.

Examining Assumptions and Beliefs

The therapist helps you examine your assumptions and beliefs about life, questioning what you've taken for granted. If you say "I have no choice," the therapist might explore: "What would it mean if you did have a choice? What are you avoiding by believing you don't?" If you're struggling with depression, rather than just treating symptoms, you might explore what meaning you're finding or not finding in life, how you're dealing with freedom and responsibility, or whether you're living authentically. The therapy seeks to understand your distress in existential terms, not just psychological ones.

Understanding Anxiety

Anxiety is understood differently in Existential Therapy than in many other approaches. Rather than always viewing anxiety as a problem to eliminate, existential therapists distinguish between neurotic anxiety (disproportionate to the situation) and existential anxiety (the natural, unavoidable anxiety that comes from confronting life's realities). Existential anxiety—about death, freedom, meaninglessness—is not pathological; it's a sign that you're confronting fundamental truths. The therapy doesn't aim to eliminate this anxiety but to help you face it honestly and channel it constructively rather than avoiding it through distraction or defense mechanisms.

The Therapeutic Relationship

The therapeutic relationship itself embodies existential principles. The therapist offers genuine encounter—meeting you as one human being to another, both grappling with existence. This isn't the detached neutrality of some analytical approaches or the structured guidance of directive therapies. It's a real relationship where the therapist brings their own humanity and experience of existential concerns to the encounter. This authenticity in the therapeutic relationship models and invites your own authenticity. The therapy room becomes a space where you can practice being genuine, confronting difficult truths, and exploring alternative ways of being.

Choice and Responsibility

Existential Therapy often focuses on choice and responsibility. When you present problems as things happening to you, the therapist helps you examine your role in creating your situation through your choices, including the choice of how you interpret and respond to circumstances. This isn't blame—it's liberation. If you're creating your experience through your choices, you can also choose differently. The therapy helps you move from seeing yourself as victim of circumstances to recognizing yourself as agent with genuine, though sometimes limited and difficult, choices about how to live.

Confronting Mortality

The exploration of death and mortality, while potentially uncomfortable, often proves central to existential work. Confronting mortality isn't morbid; it's clarifying. When you genuinely face that your time is limited, priorities often become clearer. What matters when you recognize you won't live forever? What do you want to do with the time you have? Many people find that facing death anxiety actually reduces it while simultaneously providing motivation to live more fully and authentically. As philosopher Martin Heidegger suggested, authentic awareness of death can awaken you to genuinely living rather than merely existing.

Existential Therapy sessions often feel like deep philosophical conversations about your life, though they're grounded in your concrete experiences and concerns. You won't be discussing abstract philosophy for its own sake; you'll be exploring how existential themes show up in your actual life. If you're struggling with depression, you might explore what meaning you're finding or lacking. If you're experiencing anxiety, you might examine what you're anxious about at an existential level—perhaps freedom and responsibility, perhaps mortality, perhaps isolation and connection.

The Questions You'll Explore

The therapist asks questions that invite reflection rather than providing answers or interpretations: "What gives your life meaning?" "How do you experience your freedom?" "What would it mean to live more authentically?" "How do you deal with knowing that you will die?" These questions aren't rhetorical; they're genuine invitations to explore territory you might usually avoid. The therapist doesn't have the "right" answers—they're helping you discover your own answers through genuine inquiry.

Personal Responsibility and Choice

Sessions emphasize personal responsibility and choice, even within constraints. When you present yourself as victim of circumstances—"I had to do this" or "I have no choice"—the therapist gently challenges this by exploring what choices you might actually have, even difficult or limited ones. This can feel uncomfortable initially; it's easier to see ourselves as victims than to acknowledge our agency. However, recognizing that you're making choices, even in difficult situations, is ultimately empowering—if you're choosing your responses, you can choose differently.

A Different Therapeutic Relationship

The therapeutic relationship itself will likely feel different from more traditional therapy. The existential therapist brings their own humanity into the room, engaging with you as one person to another both confronting existence, rather than as expert dispensing wisdom to patient. They might share their own struggles with existential questions when relevant, modeling the authenticity they're inviting from you. This genuine encounter can feel refreshing compared to more boundaried therapeutic relationships, though it requires trust that the therapist maintains appropriate focus on your concerns.

Open-Ended Exploration

You might notice that sessions don't follow a preset treatment plan or progress through structured stages. Existential Therapy is open-ended, following wherever your exploration leads. One session might focus on freedom and responsibility, another on meaning, another on relationships and isolation. The therapy trusts that you'll naturally gravitate toward whatever existential concerns are most pressing for you. This lack of structure can feel unsettling if you're accustomed to more directive approaches, but it also allows genuine exploration of what matters most to you.

What Changes Feel Like

As therapy progresses, you'll likely find yourself confronting realities you've been avoiding and making more conscious choices about how to live. You might experience anxiety as you face existential givens more directly, but this anxiety often comes with a sense of being more alive and authentic. Many people report feeling more genuinely themselves, clearer about what matters to them, and more willing to live according to their own values despite uncertainty or others' expectations. The therapy doesn't promise happiness, but it offers a path toward more meaningful, authentic existence.

You can apply existential principles by regularly reflecting on what gives your life meaning. Rather than just going through motions, periodically pause and ask: What matters to me? What do I value? Am I living according to these values, or am I living according to others' expectations or societal scripts? When you identify something meaningful, prioritize it rather than perpetually postponing it. Existential awareness that your time is limited can motivate you to live more intentionally now rather than waiting for perfect conditions that may never arrive.

Practice taking responsibility for your choices rather than seeing yourself as victim of circumstances. Notice when you say or think "I have to" or "I had no choice," and explore: What choice am I actually making here? What am I avoiding by believing I have no choice? This doesn't mean blaming yourself for difficult circumstances, but it does mean acknowledging your agency in how you respond. Even in truly constraining situations, you typically have some choice about your attitude, interpretation, or response.

Confront rather than avoid death anxiety. While this sounds morbid, facing mortality can actually reduce anxiety while clarifying priorities. Ask yourself: If I knew my time was limited, what would I prioritize? What would I regret not doing? Who would I want to spend time with? What would I let go of as unimportant? These reflections often reveal what truly matters beneath the busyness and distractions we use to avoid existential questions.

Examine where you're living authentically versus inauthentically. Notice where you're presenting a false self, meeting others' expectations rather than your own values, or avoiding difficult truths about your life. Ask yourself: Am I doing this because I genuinely choose to, or because I think I should? What would living more authentically look like? This doesn't mean selfishly disregarding others, but it does mean including your own authentic values and desires in how you live rather than organizing your life entirely around pleasing others or fitting in.

Create space for genuine connection with others while accepting existential isolation. Recognize that while you can't fully merge with another person or have them completely understand you, you can still create meaningful connections. Practice being genuine in relationships rather than presenting who you think you should be. Share your authentic self, including uncertainties and struggles, rather than maintaining a facade of having everything together. Accept that perfect understanding is impossible while still striving for genuine connection within that limitation.